Last week I wrote about the end of Yom Kippur – how it reenacts the moment when Moses came down from Mt. Sinai with the second tablets in his hand, and how we end Yom Kippur with God’s words to Moses, “I have pardoned you according to your word.”

But there’s another moment, much earlier in the day, that’s equally important. Kol Nidre begins – the most solemn moment of the year. We take out the Torah scroll and the cantor chants the ancient words, asking God to cancel all our vows. But it’s what comes next that matters. We ask God to forgive us. And then – before we even say Shehecheyanu – we repeat God’s words,” I have pardoned you according to your word.”

We spend all of Yom Kippur pounding our chests and digging deep inside ourselves, looking to find our failings. And for many of us, it’s a day of self blame, a day of wondering, “What if…?” What if I had only lived my life differently?

But the Holy One knows our hearts better than we do. He has already seen the good and the bad, the mistakes and the holiness within us. And He has already forgiven our mistakes.

The Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Chassidism, told many stories about a king who build a palace with many walls around it – one wall inside another. Many people tried to see the king, but they were dissuaded by the walls. And then one day, the king’s son approached the castle. “Father,” he cried out, “I’ve made many mistakes in my life. I’m embarrassed to tell you about them. But I miss you. I long to be close to you.” And suddenly, the walls disappeared.

The Baal Shem Tov says that the walls were an optical illusion. There is only God, loving us, waiting to forgive us, waiting for us to return.

May we all find the courage to cry out and may the Holy One welcome us home.